You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
