Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
