i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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