He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
