bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize