It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
