my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
