I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
