Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
