West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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