i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
