I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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