Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
