Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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