Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
someone owes me an orgasm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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