...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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