I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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