I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
