so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
