It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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