i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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