Screwed.edu
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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