I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
