I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
