I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
