talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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