I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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