I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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