One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
