so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
