id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
