I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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