I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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