last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
tell me about the eggs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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