Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
