I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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