If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
