Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
