I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
