haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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