if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
