eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
two words...techno handjob
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
