i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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