I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
