apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
