I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
