he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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