It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
