Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
