she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
