I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
