corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
