Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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