He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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