1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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