jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I touched a dick in church today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
