I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
