why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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