someone threw a dead crab at me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize