just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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