Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
