Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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