I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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