can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
