Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
