my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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