He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
